I Almost Quit Breastfeeding

     I almost quit breastfeeding. Those first weeks were hard enough as it was with the lack of sleep, a new baby, Alex working so much over time.... it was overwhelming to say the least. Add to this loads of pain when all I wanted to do was feed my baby! It was awful. A few nights Alex woke up to me crying because it just hurt so bad.
     One night in particular, Alex was so desperate to help me! We had some pacifiers that were given to us so he grabbed a few different ones, went to the kitchen, washed them, and we tried to trick our newborn baby to sleep. :( Yes. I know! It's awful! We were so desperate! Well... She didn't take the pacifier anyways.
     We had an emergency box of formula "just in case" we needed it. I was so tempted to use it! I didn't want to breastfeed anymore! I didn't think it was worth it! I didn't know how much my baby was getting to eat, people were telling me she ate so often because I didn't make enough milk, I was asked how small breasts can hold enough milk to make sure baby was full, I was told to use a little formula because eventually we would have to use it... I didn't have much support here as it was. So the pain of it just made me want to quit! Oh heavens that formula was sooo tempting! But I decided to help her try to latch on one more time. This time. She got a good latch! She fell asleep in minutes and it was good night for mommy!
     The next day I talked to my sister in law. She gave me sooo so many tips on helping with the pain. Over the next few days I would alternate feeding Madeline at the breast and spoon feeding her pumped milk. We invested a few dollars in a nipple shield. *Moms-to-be if you have not heard of this, you are missing out! This was a serious life saver!* We used the shield for about a month. Maybe less. One day after about a month, I realized it didn't hurt anymore and we weaned her off the shield! Seven months later, Madeline has never had formula!
     It was a rough ride. I went from dreading when the hour ticked by and my newborn would want to nurse, to where we are now! Breastfeeding is more than feeding my hungry baby. It's a wonderful bonding experience. Sometimes I wish others could feed her, but honestly, I love that I get to take time out of my day (oh heavens, I'm all teary eyed now) where it's just Maddie and me. I love that when she is upset I can often comfort her at my breast. I love that when I am frustrated with her and she decides to nurse that all the frustration goes away. The way her lashes fall on her cheek as we nurse to sleep melts my heart. The way she caresses my face while she is nursing, is just too sweet. I love the feeling that my body is doing what it was made to do. I love knowing that I am giving my daughter the best possible nutrition she could receive. I can go on and on about why I love breastfeeding. To sum it up, those first few weeks were totally worth it, and I would do it all over again.

Two Pink Lines

     Two pink lines and now we're here! Yes, Madeline is 7 months old, but our journey didn't begin 7 months ago. Our journey in parenthood began the moment Alex picked up the phone with a flustered, "What!? I am about to clock in to work!" I don't know what was running through his mind when he picked up the phone. Maybe he was worried something happened, maybe he was in a rush and didn't want to clock in late. Whatever it was, the moment I told him I was pregnant, our world stood still and so began our journey! 

    Looking back on our 41 weeks of pregnancy, we went through everything every young, newly married couple with a baby on the way goes through. We stressed over how we would afford diapers while we were still getting on our feet as a married couple. With every passing week I asked, "Am I showing yet?" Together, Alex and I counted down the days to the start of the second trimester. We teared up when we heard our baby's heartbeat (okay, Alex straight up cried, but you didn't hear that from me)! We both wanted a girl, but we would be happy no matter what, "as long as baby was healthy." Would we circumcise if we had a boy? What about names? Who will be in the delivery room? SO many questions!! And one subject that was never a question  between us was whether or not I was going to breastfeed. 

     The first time I was asked if I was going to breastfeed was at the WIC office. "Are you going to breastfeed?" Alex and I looked at each other like, "Of course! How else is the baby going to eat?" and we answered with a hearty "Yes." To me, it was strange that it was even a question. I never knew that moms planned on using formula and didn't at least try to breastfeed. Apparently I was behind on the times! 

     Welcome to present day! I have educated myself and become (at least somewhat) knowledgeable of the subject of breastfeeding. I don't know everything (yeah, I'm 20 now! I no longer know everything! ha!), but I would love to see a world where breastfeeding is no longer a question of the matter. I want to see formula sales plummet and it only used for emergencies or when absolutely necessary. I want "breastfeeding" to just be called "feeding." I want to share my journey of motherhood and breastfeeding with you! Welcome to "The Essence of Motherhood."